


this could be my last mistake

by rivercallum



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is Bad at Feelings, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor is a Mess (Detroit: Become Human), Depressed Hank Anderson, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hank Anderson is Bad at Feelings, Heavy Angst, I had to write this to feel better, Machine Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Poor Connor, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, This scene really hurt me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivercallum/pseuds/rivercallum
Summary: connor visits hank before going to stop the revolution. he can't take what he sees.
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	this could be my last mistake

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Won't let you die](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967107) by [DreamingStill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingStill/pseuds/DreamingStill). 
  * Inspired by [Last Chance, Hank](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024578) by [evelinaonline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinaonline/pseuds/evelinaonline). 



> WARNING: this has a graphic depiction of a suicide attempt. If you cannot handle that kind of imagery PLEASE do not read this. this is an alternate ending to the hank commits suicide ending from the game. i watched this ending recently and it really fucked me up, so i had to write a better ending for this scene.
> 
> inspired by 'put the gun down' by Andy Black.

"Now leave me alone. Go on, complete your mission, since that's all you care about," Hank muttered, staring at Connor with half-lidded eyes.

Connor looked down at the table again. He could practically hear his thirium pump pounding as he stared at the gun. He could analyze the gun. He closed his eyes, attempting to decide if this would be beneficial to him in some way.

His programming was half-way through selecting priorities when he was startled from his thoughts.

"GET OUTTA HERE!"

His LED flashed red for a second. He rarely heard the Lieutenant yell at him. His voice had never held such malice, such contempt.

On command, Connor turned. He took a few steps toward the door before he felt the world slow.

A red wall rose around him, and he stared at the lines of code in front of his mind. Tons of commands littered the wall, drifting in and out of his vision. 

_Keep Walking._

_Kill Marcus._

_Leave Lt. Anderson's House._

_Stop the Revolution._

**GET OUT OF HERE.**

Connor focused on that command. Everything seemed to slow to a stop as he watched those words become bigger and bigger. He should be walking. He should be leaving.

Something felt wrong, though. A strange feeling in his stomach. Unsettled, he turned his head away from the wall, casting a glance behind him.

It was almost as if he was struck by lightning. His processors seized.

Hank sat at the table, eyes squeezed shut and gun aimed at his temple. He almost looked like a statue.

Connor watched in horror as the red wall spiraled around him. His thirium pump pounded harder and he felt his internal temperature rise. His head felt like it was going to explode. His thoughts grew louder and louder. It felt like a tornado had descended straight upon him.

_I don't want this._

_I shouldn't want anything._

_This isn't fair._

_He doesn't deserve to die._

_What is this feeling?_

_I want him with me._

_Stop._

_Why can I feel?_

_Please stop._

_Hank._

_Please._

Connor's eyes flew open, and he ran. He tore through the programming desperately. His programming screamed for him to stop, but he ignored the orders and kept going. The wall splintered and shattered, the crashing and cracking nearly overloading his hearing. It was a burning, white hot pain Connor had never felt before, but he gritted his teeth.

He raised his arms again, desperately pounding on the wall. Eyes clenched shut, he felt the wall give. He reared back, slamming down with all his strength. The wall came crashing down around him and objectives no longer filled his vision. 

Emotions flooded him. Pain, fear, happiness, grief, embarrassment, anger. Everything was hitting him at once. He was dizzy and lightheaded, his processor trying to catalogue and handle the new emotional overload.

He shook his head to clear his mind. Despite everything he felt, all he could think about was Hank.

"Hank!" Connor screamed, turning around quickly and taking a few rushed steps toward the lieutenant.

Hank was startled, and his eyes flew open. He stood up sharply, gun still trained on his temple.

"Hank please! Don't do this!", Connor begged desperately.

"I don't have to fucking listen to you!" Hank roared, eyes hazy with anger.

"I won't let you kill yourself…" Connor whimpered, inching closer to the man.

Hank backed up, his hips hitting the cabinets.

"Stop pretending that you fucking care!" Hank spat.

Connor was frozen in place. His mind was spinning, crumbling under the weight of all the emotions he was feeling. His processors were overloaded and couldn't handle any more of the input. His head pounded with pain and heat, but his thoughts kept rushing.

He did care. He cared so much it could have made him sick. 

"Please put the gun down!" Connor begged again, taking another step forward.

"For what?! Just so you can succeed on another mission?!", Hank screamed back.

The android felt tears prick at his eyes and he was unable to stop them. They nearly poured from his eyes, gushing down in burning hot trails. His thoughts were roaring. He wasn't allowed to think about anything else but the mission. He didn't mean to be cruel. Did he do this? Was this his fault?

But Hank couldn't hear him crying. He gripped the gun tighter, closing his eyes gently.

"NO!" Connor screamed, and Hank felt himself tighten his finger on the trigger.

A loud shot.

A splatter. 

Two thumps.

A flat clatter.

Sobbing.

Hank kept his eyes shut tight. 

"Why? Why did you stop me? " 

Connor choked on his voice, willing himself to speak.

"What about your mission? You could have walked out that door and never had to deal with this," Hank hissed.

Connor felt everything come to a fever pitch. 

"IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MISSION! IT'S ABOUT YOU!" Connor screamed, voice breaking into broken sobs.

Hank's eyes flew open. Androids didn't cry. They couldn't cry. Not unless they were deviant.

Connor's eyes were red-rimmed, streaks of tears running their way down his cheeks. His hair was ruffled and messy, and blue blood was splattered on his face. His jacket was on the floor, and he was left in a wrinkled white button up. He was on his knees in front of the lieutenant, laying half over the man.

One hand was clutching hard onto Hank's wrist, and blue blood was dripping from underneath the death grip. The android was gasping for air, loud broken sobs coming in waves. 

Any thoughts about ending it were clear from Hank's mind. He looked at Connor's hand in solemn astonishment.

Connor had reached for the gun and covered the muzzle. He took the bullet at point-blank rage to his hand in the shuffle. 

"I need you, Hank…I… I'm a deviant now and I can't get through this without you," Connor cried again, sniffling pitifully.

Connor had deviated for him. He deviated because he wanted to save Hank. 

"You never answered my question. Why did you stop me?" Hank asked, softly this time.

Connor sniffled. "I couldn't go on without you."

Hank sighed. "Why?

Connor felt like the world was sinking on him. He hung his head.

"I...I don't know. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that I got to keep on living and you...you just died. It wasn't fair to any of them that I killed. I didn't want to kill again."

Hank felt his eyes widen again. Did Connor really believe that this was all his fault?

"Connor...you wouldn't have been killing me. I would have pulled the trigger," Hank pointed out softly.

"But...but all of that stuff you said. I could have restored your faith but every choice I made dug your hole a little deeper. It would be on my hands and I couldn't live like that anymore."

Connor began to cry again, the guilt of all his past actions beginning to weigh on him. 

Hank just sighed. This android wasn't the cold-hearted machine he saw kill all of those deviants. He wasn't the machine that left him dangling on the roof. This was Connor. The Connor that was fighting deep down inside the entire time. Hank couldn't help but feel guilty for what he'd said before. If only he'd known that deep down he just wasn't allowed to feel.

The android was crying harder now, his breaths coming in ragged and shallow.

"Connor… let go of my hand son," Hank spoke softly, attempting to calm the panicking android.

"No I won't let go… you'll just reach for the gun again. " Connor whimpered, looking up at the man with fear.

Hank sighed, and reached up with his other hand to pat the android on the shoulder.

"I promise I won't go for the gun," Hank reassured, his tone oddly calming to both Connor and himself.

Connor just sniffled, sitting back on his knees as he slowly let go of Hank's wrist.

Hank just took Connor's hand gently in his own. The blue blood has stopped flowing, but an 8mm hole was nearly centered on Connor's palm. Connor kept quiet, his LED flashing red at the newfound pain sensations. As his stress levels lowered, he could feel the full extent of his emotions and actions.

Hank let go of Connor's hand slowly, placing back on the floor. The man reached up and grabbed Connor's shirt. He pulled gently, wrapping his arms around the crying android. Connor cried gently, wrapping his arms tightly around the lieutenant. They sat beside each other, both of them crying softly.

"You've been fighting inside for too long. I'm sorry that I didn't...I didn't see it sooner. I'm sorry that I lost faith in you, son." Hank mumbled, holding the android tight.

Soon they'd have to get up. Connor would go and help win the revolution. Hank would have to go and get his job back. They'd fight their fights until they had won. They'd fight until they could celebrate together.

Yet, all they could do in that moment was sit in each other's arms and cry. And that would have to be okay for now.


End file.
